31 January 2008
I woke up this morning at 4:15 a.m. to begin my journey. I had a great quiet flight with an amazing view of the sunrise! Believe it or not, last night I somehow remembered to check-in for my flight online and when I checked out my seat assignment for some reason I felt like I should switch to the other side of the plane. The only seats open were by the window even though I usually like to sit on the aisle. All that to say, if I had not been sitting in the window seat on the right side of the plane I would have missed the most beautiful picture that God was painting for me. I first started paying attention because in some of the clouds I could see the lightning that was flashing underneath them. The clouds would luminate every few minutes. And meanwhile, the sun's light was just starting to peak up over the cloud horizon just to the left of the stormy ones. Oh my goodness! I was so amazed and even though I've been on tons of flights in my life, I shamelessly pulled out my camera and started taking pictures. When the sun finally came up over the edge it was too bright to look at for more than a second. I could feel the heat even through the couple panes of glass. Oh, can I even tell you what a gift that was to see. What a difference it makes to see things from a different perspective. Down below it must have been stormy and rainy, but up above it was the most glorious thing. God was sweet to remind me that even things like cancer are all woven into purpose for his glory when seen from an eternal perspective. I'm telling you, it was so so cool! It was like Psalm 19:1-6 was playing out in front of my own two bleary eyes... "The heavens are telling of the glory of God; and their expanse is declaring the work of His hands. Day to day pours forth speech, and night to night reveals knowledge. There is no speech, nor are there words; their voice is not heart. Their line has gone out through all the earth, and their utterances to the end of the world. In them He has placed a tent for the sun, which is as a bridegroom coming out of his chamber; it rejoices as a strong man to run his course. Its rising is from one end of the heavens, adn its circuit to the other end of them; and there is nothing hidden from its heat."
Goodness, and I know you'd really rather just hear about how my mom is doing! I drove up to the hospital and was able to hug my daddy and a few of my mom's close friends about 15 minutes after she went into surgery. We actually had a delightful time laughing and sharing stories during the almost 2 hours my mom was in surgery. Finally, whew, deep breath, the doctor walks out to give us the news that the two sentinal nodes were cancer negative!!!!! Yippeeee! And, that the surgery went perfectly well! Exhale. My poor mom spent an hour in recovery while we walked down to the cafe and ate Thai chicken and apple quesadillas with peanut sauce (clearly, we're not in Texas!) Shortly after, my dad and I were able to go see her and give her a kiss. She didn't look too chipper and was in a lot of pain at first, but she was quite the chatty thing. We soon got her dressed and in the van to go home where she told her friends that she had decided beforehand that she would be okay no matter what the news about the cancer. So sweet that she had come to that place of trusting Jesus, but for me, even sweeter that they didn't see any cancer! They will have a full pathology report probably available Monday.
At the moment, my mama is asleep snuggled in her bed and my dad is picking up the prescriptions. I can't tell you how good it is to be here. Thanks for praying. Thanks for caring. And if you actually read all this, thanks for your patience beyond measure. :)
28 January 2008
16 January 2008
My favorite pic of the day! A display window outside of Tiffany's - I saw a ring inside that cost $70,000.
I know it's not much to look at, but this is where I rested my tired little feet after the Metropolitan Museum of Art. It was an amazing Turkish restaurant where I had cay, coban salatasi, ekmek, and manti! It was absolutely incredible and even the outside reminded me of Turkey. It's called SipSak and I think it's at 2nd and 49th...just in case you're in the neighborhood and want to stop by. Afiyet Olsun to me! :)
10 January 2008
"So, mom called today."
"She got the results of the biopsy.'
"It was malignant."
(and a few minutes later)
"Don't worry, I'm gonna be the glue."
"You're not very good glue. You're more like silly putty."
And so began the last couple weeks. We've all got new words to use now. Words I don't like and words I don't like to use. Especially out loud. But, if you're going to talk, if you're going to listen, if you're going to be in this, then you have to say them and you have to hear them. The power of them is more than I can bear at moments. Sometimes I want to scream, "I'm not doing this! I can't do this! I can't talk about this!" But, I don't scream. Instead I cry. Sometimes I laugh. I ask people to pray. And now I write. Since the day after December 23 I've had strings of words and phrases running through my head. I just got tired of it all rolling around in my head. Maybe if I finally write them the roll will slow down a bit. My brain won't stop I suppose, but still at least a new blog can start writing itself in my head. Here's the new list of words in my vernacular. Words I could do without...especially without my mom being the subject.
how ARE you
such horrible news
so good that you're here right now
it's been a tough 24 hours
teeny weeny bit of cancer
it's still cancer
smaller than a centimeter
smaller than a pearl
what size pearl
matter of life and
I wonder if she realizes my mom and dad had cancer
check the lymph nodes
you're not going to die of cancer
how does she know
(even now hearing my sister on the phone)
you're a strong person
And the list keeps growing. I can actually talk about it without crying now, well at least sometimes that is. I'm trying to wrap my brain around the fact that even though I the word cancer and am so very very afraid of it. There is another word that is bigger. That word is Jesus. And that word makes me want to cry too. But it's all I've got at the moment. But God.